Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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