I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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