Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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