I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
