New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
