Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize