He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
