Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
