I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
