I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
