im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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