you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
