bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
whose parrot is this?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
