What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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