So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
