It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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