I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
