I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
