In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
