Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
