I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
