oh god the rape fog is back!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
