I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
