so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize