My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
