she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
