I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
