Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
