so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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