I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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