When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
