weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
