I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
