brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
