Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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