Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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