he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
