I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If that was your dad, he is hot
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
