Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The Olympian is in my bed
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