my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
