I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
