Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
