How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
