worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
