Tell her she can't have a vagina
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
