i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
