I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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