You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
