Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
