I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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