I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
