I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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