I faked an abortion last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
