Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
