I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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