Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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