Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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