just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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