My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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