New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
