he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You left your phone here
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