pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's always time for handjobs
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
