So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
