So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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