I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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