i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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