On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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