Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
