I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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