He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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