I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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